asking a question

Tonight I met Swami Chetanananda. The meditation was a beautiful experience. Afterwards, Barbara introduced me to him. I got to ask him this question: What to do with anger especially when felt against a child, and you don't even know where the anger is coming from.

I am paraphrasing his answer here, but I hope to express what I took away from it and hopefully will always remember.

Reacting from anger is never a good idea, he said. Before reacting we need to find that place within us that is calm and focused, we all have that place and it is a matter of discipline to find it. Just reacting is like being lazy. We (the adult, mother, father, teacher) needs to find that focused place first and then react.

When we respond with anger, a lot of energy and attention goes towards a behavior we actually want to disappear. What ever we give a lot of energy too, is what will grow. So, if we want to a certain behavior to change in a child, we need to focus our anger into a calm state and then deal with it. Of course, if we focus on calming ourselves first before reacting that is what will grow. His advise to me was to focus on that calm place, on the connection I have with the child and speak from there. This way I will also be able to listen, and when children (or everyone really) feels listened too, then there is a connection, and changes can happen.

His answer I think is important for not only me, but everyone. Following this advise is how we can create peace with whom ever we meet.

Thank you!