above all love

Dear Sophia,

This was a hard, difficult, bringing me to many tears kind of a weekend. You are one powerful and strong girl. You ask for boundaries, you need consistency, you thrive on freedom and you grow beyond everything else on LOVE.

I struggle at times to give you all of the above and things get bad. Bad in the sense that we both end up crying, angry and really sad. We try different ways to help you, and have mostly found what you need and what helps, but that doesn't mean your intensity just goes away.

But tonight, after feeling like I just want to run away, I thought, no, I love you and I am going to stick with you, and let you know how much I love you. I held you tight and while you were kicking and screaming, I told you in a regular voice, as if talking to myself, how much I love you. That you couldn't do anything to change that. That I love you so much that I wasn't going to let you stay this angry. That I am there for you to see you through this. That I didn't know why you are feeling this way, but that I am here because I love you.

You gradually stopped fighting. I let you go. You started to fight again, but this time only with words. In a clear, kind voice I told you that you were going to bed now, and that I could then massage you, something that you like very much.

Still grumpy, but noticebly calmer you lay down and I massaged you. Mateo wanted to sing me song, so I sang a good night song. Not much later you dissolved in tears. Tears rolled down your face. I just stroke your head and told you that everything was just going to be ok.

I just felt love for you and I think that is the only way you will feel better and better. The boundaries and consistency and freedom you need are given to you with love, a powerful place.

What do you think of swimming lessons?

With love,

mama

After writing this I just opened up this book, The Parent's Tao Te Ching. How fitting:

Finding Balance

There are so many paradoxes in parenting

that it is difficult to find balance.

Some don't even try.

They just plunge ahead

ignoring the subtle whispers of wisdom.

Others try half-heardly,

but resort to old methods

when they get confused.

But some hear wisdom's quiet voice

and make it their own.

They find strength in softness,

power in flexibility,

perfection in mistakes,

success in failure,

clarity in confusion,

and love in letting go.