vision

Starting something new is hard. There are so many different layers that need to be dealt with and taken care off. We are starting a new school. The Children's School. I have been a teacher for over four years, have developed curriculum, successfully implemented the curriculum, lead parent education classes, written reports and so on. I feel very comfortable on all those levels and will expand on those. However, there is so much that needs to be done I have never done before. The administration, business part of starting a school. Sometimes I think I am not the right person for that, or that I am not qualified to do them, or that I have no idea to go about any of it.

And yet I keep going.

Why?

Because there is our mission, our vision. The draw to create a place for children and their families to learn and to be together. A place we will call school. A thoughtful environment, where children can learn about themselves and their universe. Children grow and learn. They learn when the material actually means something to them, when people care about them.

I want to be part of a school where children feel understood, cared for, and respected. When they know that, they will also learn how to listen, care, and respect themselves and others. I want to help families to create this type of environment in their own home and lives.

It is the vision that keeps me going. The bigger picture that I remind myself off when the little things seem to be taking over.

being home

Today was much quieter and calmer. The children played kindly and well with one another. Lots of work got done and fun was had in the garden.

I mostly stuck to my new rhythm except that I took a little nap in the afternoon. Mateo didn't want to take his nap earlier and so we went to run a couple of errand. We had to drop off some books leftover from our recent yard sale fundraiser. In one box I found some children's books for the children. They began reading them in the car and when we got home we found Theodore sleeping and so we quietly lay on Mateo's bed to "read" ;) Well, you already know what happened next.....

Sophia has always loved books. When she was little I would often find her in the midst a pile of books, spread all around her. Then and now she prefers to read quietly. Except when she gets to read to someone, she loves to articulate and enunciate.

Mateo is a loud reader. He is also a great imitator of his big sister. But so when he reads he talks out loud and shares his version of the pictures. He especially pronounces the parts people are saying. "No, no" "Oh, hi, are you coming to my house?" "The bad guys are coming" "You need to come" Lots of action fill his stories.

Ok, off to do my reading for the day. Here is what I am reading The Writing Road to Reading by Remolda Spalding. Very inspiring as I am thinking of the new classes I will be teaching in the fall.

Good night with a smile!

hello and getting back in the rhythm

picture from a treasured moment at my birthday celebration with my two dear friends

Yup it is has been a while again since I last posted. So much is happening right now, it is hard to find any time. But now is time. I am grateful for a quieter evening. Even though my to-do list is still long for the night, I am taking the time to write here a little because that is what keeps me relaxed, doing something simply out of pure pleasure.

Today was not my best day in terms of patience with myself and therefore my children. You see, as a parent we do have that great responsibility to create the atmosphere and environment for our children. That is a wonderful thing when we know exactly what we want, when everything goes the way we plan, when we have patience to go with the flow if it doesn't.... But it doesn't feel good when we don't have that, when nothing seems to be going the way we would like, when work pulls you one direction, and your family another, and you don't know which way to go and which pull to satisfy first. My tendency is to meet the needs of my children first, but then there is still the thought about work and what to do.

I am sure I am not writing anything new to anyone here. And yet it feels good to write it out. The nice thing about these days is that I usually think about them and become proactive so that the day that follows goes cheerful and confident. So that is what I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Now that I am working from home, creating a private school (looking forward to sharing more about that here as we go along), I need to be more organized about how I use my time. Therefore, I wrote out a little rhythm of our day. Of course I didn't include my flute students, but that is fine for now.

Here we go (and don't laugh, because yes, I did put "shower" on my list! ;))

7AM Rise and Smile

Shower, Meditate, and Straighten Room

8AM Children Breakfast, start dinner prep, and snack for children to eat while I work (so they don't just grab chips!)

9AM Computer work, e-mail, writing....

10AM Skype with Barbara

NOON Lunch, Mateo nap, project with Sophia

2PM Reading

3PM Pool or errand with Mateo and Sophia

5PM Get dinner ready and do one chore

6PM Eat dinner

7PM Clean up house while children help of play

8PM Children to bed

9PM Catching up with e-mail, finish up what is still left to do, blog, read...

11PM Good Night

This will all loosen up a bit, but it will help me to stay in the swing of things during the summer! ;)

Yay to being back here and good luck to me.

10 things i am grateful for

ansel adams

Today I am grateful for...

:: the warm spring sun and the ever amazing blue sky.

:: my daily bike rides to and from work.

:: the sight of green, especially in trees.

:: a hug from a little student friend after a difficult adult meeting.

:: my loud and ever adventures little boy.

:: Yogananda's presence in my life.

:: the thought that everything will turn out well and everything happens for a reason.

:: that everything can be turned towards the better.

:: my thoughtful and determined girl.

:: a bright red new flower pot I bought.

What are you grateful for today?

spring is almost here

Spring is almost here, as the rain starts to seize and little birds building their nests and patiently sit on their eggs to await the arrival of their young. A hummingbird build a little nest right outside our door.

Inspired by our happy chirpers outside I added these darling wooden birds to our wall in the bedroom. I smile when I hear the real ones sing outside and see these ones on the wall.

I also pulled out one of my favorite pillows and this time placed it on this chair. The little changes can make so much difference. I heart spring! Spring also brings the birthday of my eldest. She is turning eight this year! EIGHT!!!!

happy spring time coming.

playing stay at home mom

While I usually go to work every day and typically come home with my children together in the afternoon, I rejoice in the Wednesday exception. Since on Wednesdays I have a student at home and Theodore works at school, the children stay with him. So, on Wednesdays I get to ride my bike home all by myself, come home, and teach my lesson. After my student leaves I readily tie my pretty apron on and prepare dinner.

The house is quiet and all I want to do is make a little dinner, and set the table. Ever so often I peak out the window to see if my family has arrived. I do always look forward to seeing them, happily welcoming them home.

i know they are blurry, but that walk of his, with such enthusiasm, i just want to always remember him that way!

When I was little my mom was always home and usually she would have something ready for us to eat. Although I probably never really expressed my appreciation for her being there, today I fondly remember that I could count on her being home.

While I am a happy working mom and have found my own routines with my family, I enjoy playing "stay at home mom" on Wednesdays for a couple of hours and share the warmth and comfort to my children which I received from my mom!

Welcome home!

ebb and flow of life

picture found here

Let's imagine together. You are standing on the top of this cliff, safe and strong. You can feel the wind brushing your hair our of your face, and you feel your lungs deeply drawing in the moist ocean air. As you exhale your feel a great sense of calmness and peace coming over you. You are relaxed, You are you, You are here standing and nothing else matters. All worries and concerns can wait or vanish from sight.

Life is busy. Life keeps on going and going. It is our responsibility to stop in our tracks sometimes and notice the bigger picture, our bigger existence in life. That is why I enjoy my little blog, because I like to come here and illustrate the beautiful parts of my life. Elaborate on the things I enjoy and the people I love.

I have recently found myself coming to new appreciations. There are ups and downs in life. Everyones schedule fits smoothly within each other and then the children get sick and everything has be restructured. Work is neglected due to children sick and then I put an arm load of energy into my class and they do really well. I don't ride my bike to school because of the tight schedules and then I do again, and feel so good about it. Despite trying to be supermom I realized how balancing really works and how much easier this act becomes when you keep the long term in mind. In the long term tasks and people do get taken care off. It is a matter of prioritizing and focusing on that which lies in front of me with the greatest need. I appreciate patients and flexibility.

Off to do some more balancing! ;)

a day at a time

Hi,

I am not sure what is going on with me in the last few days. I think I might just be feeling a little bit overwhelmed with it all. Sophia being sick with a stomach flu and now Mateo throwing up, a new teacher starting at the school, my friend and mentor leaving the school, teaching full time, planning the schools Valentine's event, maintaining my six flute students, lots of laundry (remember the children are throwing up!) could perhaps have something to do with it?!

Well, I know it will all pass again and soon I will feel like I am on top of it all, but oh right now, I just keep chanting "one step, one moment, one task, one day at a time"

This is already the second post without pictures. Even those will come again, soon.

But when I am completely done at the end of the day, what do I do? I go online and look at pretty things. I adore hair clips and found these pretty ones on etsy.

Off to look after my children and make some school plans.

Julia

baby don't worry

Oh it has been a very busy week, two weeks, three weeks.... I don't even know where to begin, but I am glad to be back here in my little place. Being back here indicates that I am resurfacing, that life is getting back to more "normal" (if that word can even be used here).

Everything got thrown out of balance when Barbara, a dear friend, mentor, colleague, and auntie had the great opportunity to move to her ashram, where her teacher lives. I am so very happy for her and since her move we have already e-mailed lots, talked on the phone and have a skype time planned! Our friendship and her mentor ship will always be there. How lucky am I?!

However, it also left much to decide and figure out as to who would teach her class, who takes on some other responsibilities she carried for 19 years. Oh, she is so missed on many levels. Next week a new teacher will take her class and I will help as much as I can show her the ropes around our school.

In the meantime I got two new flute students, which I am excited about. Extra students help me supplement my income. Of course that also means more work, after work (at school). ;)

We started play rehearsals today. The time has come for our annual theater production. We began with the all school dance. How fun it is to dance! I have always loved to dance. Not in any particular way, but just dance, dance, dance. I think of dance a little bit like therapy.

So tonight I put on Bob Marley. Sophia and I danced to "baby don't worry about a thing, every little thing is going to be alright!" Oh did I feel better!!!!!

Transitions are hard, everything is shaky and uncertain. But when stability begins to return (I don't think we are quite there yet) it feels so good and reassuring.

Yay for change

Yay for growth

Yay for dance

Yay for Bob Marley

:-)

peace and painting

It is peaceful right now at home. The children are painting away as I type this.

During our break we established a balanced routine of outdoor and indoor times, of family projects and independent work, of mama time and sophia/mateo with mama time. Balance seems to have always been my answer in creating a joyful and harmonious environment. The scale does not stay balanced on its own though. Constant adjustment is needed to keep balance. Sometimes it is harder and sometimes easier to find the necessary adjustment. Although it is nice when only small changes are needed, the reward however, for when a big change was needed is even bigger. You know what I mean?

Noticing the possibility to bring balance and harmony in our lives makes me happy. It makes me happy in a way that I know it is never to late to turn things around. There is always hope for change and improvement. With determination, awareness, courage and love everything is possible!!!!

I am grateful for my artists, young and older. I am grateful for their creative and colorful presence in my life.

home making contentment

Yes, we are on our winter break and I relish the time in our home. I know this might sound like a cliche`, but today I felt perfectly content, listening to german christmas carols and decorating the apartment for the holidays.

A popcorn/cranberry garland is becoming somewhat of a tradition, as I simply adore the look of it. And the branches I picked up make my happy in a simple sort of way.

Presents for our East Coast family is all wrapped and went home with Lewis.

As I typically go into a little emotional frenzy every time we go on break, I hope to stay focused on the moment. We planed a few adventures and projects, but maybe they work out, and maybe not. Perhaps the children want to do something different, and that is OK too. Changing plans can be very good, you know!

above all love

Dear Sophia,

This was a hard, difficult, bringing me to many tears kind of a weekend. You are one powerful and strong girl. You ask for boundaries, you need consistency, you thrive on freedom and you grow beyond everything else on LOVE.

I struggle at times to give you all of the above and things get bad. Bad in the sense that we both end up crying, angry and really sad. We try different ways to help you, and have mostly found what you need and what helps, but that doesn't mean your intensity just goes away.

But tonight, after feeling like I just want to run away, I thought, no, I love you and I am going to stick with you, and let you know how much I love you. I held you tight and while you were kicking and screaming, I told you in a regular voice, as if talking to myself, how much I love you. That you couldn't do anything to change that. That I love you so much that I wasn't going to let you stay this angry. That I am there for you to see you through this. That I didn't know why you are feeling this way, but that I am here because I love you.

You gradually stopped fighting. I let you go. You started to fight again, but this time only with words. In a clear, kind voice I told you that you were going to bed now, and that I could then massage you, something that you like very much.

Still grumpy, but noticebly calmer you lay down and I massaged you. Mateo wanted to sing me song, so I sang a good night song. Not much later you dissolved in tears. Tears rolled down your face. I just stroke your head and told you that everything was just going to be ok.

I just felt love for you and I think that is the only way you will feel better and better. The boundaries and consistency and freedom you need are given to you with love, a powerful place.

What do you think of swimming lessons?

With love,

mama

After writing this I just opened up this book, The Parent's Tao Te Ching. How fitting:

Finding Balance

There are so many paradoxes in parenting

that it is difficult to find balance.

Some don't even try.

They just plunge ahead

ignoring the subtle whispers of wisdom.

Others try half-heardly,

but resort to old methods

when they get confused.

But some hear wisdom's quiet voice

and make it their own.

They find strength in softness,

power in flexibility,

perfection in mistakes,

success in failure,

clarity in confusion,

and love in letting go.

happy thanksgiving!

We had a most wonderful Thanksgiving yesterday. You know us, we typically don't turn holidays or events into huge parties. We like to cook and decorate our house by ourselves. And as you know, we also don't spend a fortune on decoration, presents, food, clothing and the like, but we do value to make times festive, kind, joyful and generous, beautiful and dressy.

There are times were I wish I could by lots of elegant dresses, pillows, plates.... And when I do buy something I like to buy things that I see as special and that I adore. But I like to remind myself that they will only bring joy if I can also be happy without them. Well, it was one of those celebrations yesterday, where everything was simple, everyone helped, friends and family came together, with their kindest and most joyful selves.

In the morning we had breakfast with some of our dear friends. We chanted and chanted, Theodore and sometimes I playing the harmonium and everyone singing. Afterwards, we sat to eat a delicious brunch. Our typical is, Barbara's amazing eggs and potatoes, Matthews colorful fruit salad, our rolls, hot coffee and tee, all bruit perfectly! ;) Between chooing and sipping we laugh, become serious, tell each other how yummy everything is and how nice it is to get together. At the end when everyone leaves we make plans to repeat this kind of get together very soon. Good thing the holidays are coming up, so it probably will happen again very soon.

At home I cooked our traditional meal. You see, I didn't grow up with Thanksgiving, and so I have slowly established some traditions, picking up some from Ananda and then some from Theodore's family. I love to think of our families while I cook. Usually we all cook together, but I must say I really enjoyed cooking this one all on my own.

I thought of Wendy when making the mashed potatoes, as I included one ingredient recomended by her: Boursin! (Of course it was delicious, thank you Wendy!)

I thought of Dede, because it is from her that I learned how to cook and clean up at the same time!

I thought of my mom because I put on a white table cloth and her pink vintage serving bowls.

I thought of our Ananda family, as that is where I was introduced to the nut loaf.

Theodore, Sophia and I wrote a little for what we were grateful in our family. I think this activity is a must for future Thanksgiving. To hear everyone express what they are grateful for gave me a very warm and grateful feeling inside.

A very happy Thanksgiving and much gratitude to all.

routine breaking

I love routines. I think they are very important in not just children's lives, but mine as well. I find routines comforting with their predictability and consistency. I witness children thriving on routines, not only in my home, but in my classroom as well. Children will take charge, knowing exactly what the next step is, what period of the day follows... A daily rhythm helps to bring calmness and reassurance into our lives.

But then, again, a routine wouldn't be a routine if it wasn't for the occassional stepping out. ;) Well, we stepped out today.

Upon waking this morning, my first feeling and thought was that I didn't just want a regular Saturday, where I come downstairs, take care of the children, do my household chores, sit with my computer.... No, today I wanted to step out.

When I came downstairs I found Sophia and Mateo quietly playing with each other. I took a moment to look at them and enjoy the scene. When I asked them if they wanted to go out for breakfast, they seemed just as excited as me about getting out, and so we all got dressed, locked the door behind us, snapped on our helmets and on our bikes we went to Esther's German Bakery.

We ordered a coffee and Apfelpfannkuchen. While we waited the children went into the play area to play and I found a german newspaper to enjoy. I also wrote a little in Sophia and my journal, which she later read while feasting on her pancake.

We stayed nearly an hour

reading (Sophia),

exploring (Mateo)

and coffee drinking/reading/ treasuring (me) in this cozy place.

Sophia found a book that she really liked and wanted to finish it. Off to the library we extended our trip to find the book.

We came home in time for lunch and to continue our predictable, comforting, well known routine. Mateo went to take his nap and I sat down to finish two sewing projects. (More on that in a different entry.)

Only our morning routine was switched up, but I could feel myself fueling on this experience for the rest of the day. I had more patience with the children, cheerfully cleaned up the house, and most of all I appreciated that we have a routine and rhythm in our home.

morning love

I know I wrote about my morning love before, but since I treasure this time so much I have to mention it again. A few mornings ago I had my camera on hand. It was one of those beautiful mornings when the sun was just coming up, illuminating tree tops, and letting their colors shine.

The quiet, the beauty, my own tempo, all in all a treasured picture!

a little inspiration

Only ego tries to get rid of ego. Don’t fall into the spiritual trap of working on yourself to become spiritual. Live in love, live in peace, and live in joy. That is all.--Ellen Grace O'Brian

I am off to love, be peaceful and joyful, doing what I feel like doing today. It is after all Sunday, not another "work" day!

reflecting

I changed my schedule this year so that I can leave to work early and have the opportunity to come home right after school most days.

This change also brought with itself that now I ride my bike to school in the mornings by myself! I have an hour in my classroom by myself, without my own children, without my students, without many other teachers around, just me.

After my meditation I get dressed, make breakfast all ready on the table and then hop on my bike. My mornings have become a treasured time of the day. I can ride as fast as I feel like it, I can sing if I want too, I can be completely quiet and notice the beauty around me, I can think about the day, I can reflect on life at home and life at school. There seems to be space in my mornings. I drink in the ME time. I drink so much of it that even by the end of the day I still have a taste of it and fuels my patients, my endurance, my kindness, my living from the heart.

I love my mornings!

spirituality and children

I was recently asked what we do to include our children in our spiritual path?

Our spiritual path does not only consists of exercises, mediation, yoga etc. Our path is a life style, a way to live and think. We don't just practice while we meditate, but want to practice awareness, kindness, calmness, trustworthiness every moment of our day. Is that possible? Well, like I said it is a practice and life brings challenges, but we have our intentions and believe that in living this way lies our happiness.

Creating this kind of atmosphere, including happiness and inner peace is how we mostly include our children into our spiritual life. Children might not be able to express much of what goes on in their minds or bodies, but they can feel and benefit from their environment and learn a sense of self and life style through their experience.

We also love to sing or pray before we eat. Now that Sophia can read she is eager to read Yogananda's words from "How to be happy all the time".

The words to a favorite song we love to sing go as follows:

Receive Lord in Thy light the food we eat for it is Thine.

Infuse it with Thy love Thy energy Thy life divine.

Om

Empfang Herr in Deinem Lichte

Die Speisen die Du uns gegeben

Erfuell sie mit deinem Leben

Mit Deiner Liebe und

Lebenskraft.

Om

As of late the children enjoy their bed time routine of laying still in bed. We practice a little breathing together, to help their tiered bodies and minds to rest. Once they have found a quiet place Theodore or I play on the harmonium and chant out loud. We sing two or three chants before we end with a prayer. We all place our palms touching in front of our hearts and everyone repeats. The prayer is simple, but meaningful, connecting feelings to the body (asking for calmness in our hearts) and thanking for divine mother's presence. I usually include something from a daily situation as a reflection and gratitude.

To life my spiritual values is the most important goal in my life. If I can truly model to live spiritual life I think I will have shared spirituality with my children.

aren't we all children? (edited)

While I was meditating last night these thoughts came to me and I know that was not the point of my mediation but wanted to share them here with you.

I overheard Mateo saying no to Theodore, who was trying to put him down to bed. For a second I thought, why does he keep saying no? We know he is tired, so why doesn’t he just lye down? Of course I know the developmental reasons, of finding his own will, learning what he can do, who he is etc. And then it occurred to me that his behavior wasn’t really that different from adults or people in general.

I don’t think you have to believe in God, Spirit, Force or what ever you might want to call it to know that there is something greater than YOU. Perhaps it happened to you, (like it has to me) that you planned out something so beautiful in your mind, but how it actually works out is very different. First you are upset and don’t want to change your plans. But circumstances force you to and you do it. It so often happens to me that afterwards I realize how much better that route was than the one I had planned. Often it also happens that I don’t realize how much more I learned and actually gained from the different direction I took. However one believes this might happen I like to think that we as people often say know, when actually it would be so much wiser to listen to “it”. To listen more carefully and be receptive to guidelines is one purpose of my life. I hope to listen to the direction I need to take, the route I need to travel.

I am reading the book Written by Herself Autobiographies of American Women: An Anthology and came upon this passage which gives a wonderful example of what I trying to put into words above.

"... the one subject I failed in medical school was to be the foundation of my life-work. This was related to a course, during my sophomore year, on "The Normal Child," five by Dr. Annie Sturges Daniel, a pioneer woman physician who is loved and honored by every student who came under her influence. Dr. Daniel's course was an uncharted sea and I had no interest in it; neither had anyone else so far as I could discover except Dr. Daniel's herself.... That was my first, and only, failure. It not only gave a severe jolt to my pride but roused in me a fierce anger at having to take the course again the following year. ... The lectures, I discovered were very fine; the bits of sought-out information most intriguing. As a result, that little pest, the normal child, made such a dent on my consciousness that it was he, rather than my lame knee, who is undoubtedly responsible for the survival of those 90,000 babies the reporter mentioned. THe whole procedure of preventive hygiene which I was later to install in modern child care certainly had its inspiration in that half-year of pique and hard work."

Next time Mateo says no I know to show compassion and gently direct him to what seems right from my perspective, just like I am guided by a Mother bigger than me.

feeling sick

Mateo and are both under the weather. I took Mateo to urgent care last night and sure enough he has an ear infection. They also tested him for whooping cough (it is an epidemic in california right now and we had it at school) but we won't know if he has it until tomorrow.

He is taking antibiotics now. I usually only give and take this stuff when I absolutely have too, and since we are flying to Germany in exactly 7 days, this was a time where I had too. Lets just hope he doesn't have whooping cough and will all be well in the next couple of days.

Until then you will most likely find the two of us on the couch, rolling his truck back and forth and wiggling our feet together.....